am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
