i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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