the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
