my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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