Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
