Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
