so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
