my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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