I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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