i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
