i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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