we're chasing vodka with high fives
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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