So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
