So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
