How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
