It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
