He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
