I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
