My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
