I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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