it was like his penis was on wheels.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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