Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
