I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
