just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
