well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
fuck your aforementioned shoe
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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