Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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