I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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