Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
