he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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