wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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