i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
