"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize