the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
