Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
