ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize