He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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