He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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