Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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