me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
