addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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