remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
