do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize