3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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