If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
