Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
