I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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