omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
