All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
