But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
