ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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