I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
its liver damage thursday
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
