He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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