shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
