shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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