I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
