Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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