Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
