drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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