Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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