I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
