Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
