Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
