Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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