i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm bleeding and have questions
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
