I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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