Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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