She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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