This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
